she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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