Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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