nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
