That's intense
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
