wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
