How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
