I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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