I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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