my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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