Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
