I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
