a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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