he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
