hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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