just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
