OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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