we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
