I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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