With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
