I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
