It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
