1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
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just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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