Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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