now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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