well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
