she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
