I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
