You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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