He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
