I'm eating all of the evidence.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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