Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She bit a glass in half.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
