I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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