I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
there is glitter all over my balls
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