Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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