You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
