Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
