She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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