I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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