I cut my penus on the lid.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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