This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
