How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
