Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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