We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
