He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
