pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
