Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
