So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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