so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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