Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
