i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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