if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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