better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
