I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
