I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
