i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
