I'm going to jail i love you
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
