i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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