you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
