How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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