I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
