hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
should my penis look like a turkey
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
