that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
