How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the condom got lost in my hair
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
