is wine microwaveable?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
