Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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