I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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