In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
