Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
