no, he came in my armpit
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
