He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
