there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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